Coming Out of the Closet

Today, after two purely energy sessions, where both clients in a very short amount of time regulated and found the answers that they were looking for. I thought to myself, maybe I can just do this. Come out in the open and stop pretending that I can live a “normal” life. Stop trying to fit into this very linear reality that feels like I am trying to stick a cow into a washing machine or pass an elephant through a pipe. Noone is happy, no one understands why I am doing it but the process is entertening so everyone keeps on watching, because hey, I have done pretty impossible things before, maybe this will work out too.. 

But I am tired of pretending and holding myself back into a format that feels “acceptable” and let’s face it, nothing about my life has been normal or acceptable unless you look at it through the lense who I really am. Then it all makes sense. 

I remember being a kid and sensing the various presences around me. Sometimes I knew who it was, but mostly I didn’t, so I asked it not reveal and leave. For as long as I remeber I had spirits visiting me at night. In these situations with kids like me, there is rarely someone who knows what to do, so it’s best to keep quiet. Which I did. 

Throughout my life, things always spoke to me, and I gently listened.  With time and age, it only expanded. Even though I heard and saw the in between, I still went ahead with the layers of linear reality as it seemed to make everyone feel safer, even if it’s not entirely true. I know what it's like when you are not ready for something. And the best thing you can do is to lovingly stay present, holding space until the person is ready. 

I don’t think I have been ready before. And I don’t think I can hold it back anymore either. 

I remeber speaking to Jessica, a psychic healer I stayed with in California. She surprisingly was asking me why I don’t work as a healer, a psychic, or an energy practitioner? I laughed uncomfortably in disbelief, pushing it away. She responded: - Don’t know know, how much you are capable of…? I pretended I didn’t. 

She didn’t say it out loud but I heard her response: “Ok if you prefer, you can take longer… but you don’t have to.” 

At the time I couldn’t imagine anything worse then annoucing myself as a psychic healer, surely this is some sort of charlatan way of being. What I didn’t see or refused to acknowledge is that the fraudulent way of being was me trying to go through my overly educated logical brain. So much resistance and pain in the end, and so uncomfortable for my being. 

Guys, I will be honest, to say that I felt insane sometimes is to say nothing.  But the biggest thing in this process is to acknowledge that I am, in fact, more sane, considering how I am built.   What's important here is it to learn to hold several strands of reality at once. In truth, this is the only way not to go crazy and honor the nature of everything. This first hurdle requires capacity and strength to hold the focus, to track, to read between the timelines, to discern, and to stay sovereign 

For so many years, I didn’t have this capacity and I was afraid to lose myself, which is why I dedicated so many years to practice and learning, but mostly kept myself away and spent as much time as I could in nature. 

There are many stories from this period, but this is for another time (perhaps). 

This evening I cameback home to a message from a session I gave to a friend last week, because I knew she was stuck but she didn’t see it yet. I knew I could lovingly shift her towards her fuller potential.  

She messaged me today saying this session was important and she is now on the right path. She finally was able to choose differently; this time, she could see that she was looking in the wrong direction all along. 

Realizing this is one of the faster ways for me to work and to be of service, I now no longer wish to conform, to try to fit in, to stay in the shadows of what I see, how I sense and what I can support with those who need to seek alignment. 

I am quietly opening up for appointments. Starting small to get my practice going. 

p.s. All these years, what helped me the most is my Faith, and asking for guidance. In that connection, I never felt alone. As long as I reached out in my heart, I was always held.